Silly Ninja
Read. Watch. Laugh. Ninja.
Manny Ramirez is a Dodger - Now What?
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.31.08 under Sports
By now everyone has probably heard that Manny Ramirez is the newest Dodger. The Dodgers traded Andy LaRoche and a Class A right-hander Bryan Morris to get the slugger from the Red Sox. The deal involved the Pirates, who will be getting LaRoche and Morris along with a couple of Red Sox players, and Jason Bay will be going to the Red Sox.
I See London, I See France…
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.30.08 under Funny Pics, Girls
On second glance, this is actually an amazing picture. The radiant lights are ablaze against the dark blend of colors residing in the distance. The background is blurred as if the picture were taken with a slower than normal shutter speed. Every little detail screams at you like a psycho ex-lover that just found out you cheated…
But let’s be honest, who really gives a sh*t about all that? We all know the “photographer” was just some lucky, drunken college kid with a disposable camera that happened to be in the right place at the right time.
“GUYS, QUICK, GRAB YOUR BEER! These chicks are wasted, stumbling down the sidewalk and one of ‘em has no idea that her ass is hanging out!”
Look, we understand, mistakes do happen. You forgot to put that Bounce anti-static dryer sheet in with your last load of laundry. And we don’t expect you to control Mother Nature. That brisk San Diego ocean breeze just blew your dress right up, Bruce Almighty style.
Our only question to you Miss Louis Vuitton Handbag Lover with Amazing Assets is: Aren’t you too young, hot, and fashionable to be rockin’ those hot pink grannie panties?
Romantic Getaway to Palm Springs
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 07.30.08 under Funny Pics
Palm Springs, CA. A truly one of a kind getaway. Golf, Spas, Resorts; it is the place to go for relaxation and more. I have heard wonderful things so when I went to a site about Palm Springs I could not help noticing the “unique” ads on the page:
Here is what my Palm Springs itinerary looks like:
- Fly into Palm Springs
- Get a 2 hour massage at a luxurious spa
- Arrange for a stay in a luxury home over-looking the golf course
- Finally get that Vaginal Rejuvenation procedure I’ve been putting off…
Wanna Poke a Stranger’s Baby in the Face?
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 07.29.08 under Funny News
Two women in Kansas were charged with prostitution in Camden County, Missouri after being arrested in an undercover sting operation at a local hotel. Two more women were arrested in a similar sting the following day. Charges have not yet been filed against the latter two women, but they definitely will be shortly. But the kicker is…
Three of the four women arrested are pregnant! One of the women was eight months pregnant, one was six months pregnant, and the other was three months pregnant.
We actually have a friend with a raging fetish involving pregnant women, but we didn’t think this was a widespread phenomenon. We interviewed the prosti-pregos and they had some very interesting insight into the reasoning behind their antics.
“My baby daddy ain’t found me attractive since I was 4 months. I jus’ wanted to feel loved again. Plus, I been out of work the past few months and having a baby ain’t cheap! This way I get ‘em both done.”
So selling your bulging tummy and letting some random guy give your baby birthmarks makes you feel loved huh? You’re not the brightest bulb in the box, are you?
“I heard of people sellin’ their stuff on the internet, I figured I could do the same thing with my body. What’s the difference?”
As it turned out, we were quickly confronted by the ladies’ uh… employer. At first he was upset that we were “takin’ their time without contributin’,” but he got over it when he found out this could spread his business. When we asked him why he was keeping his pregnant girls on the streets he responded with this bit of economic genius:
“Well I done heard that if you try to uh… maximize on your uh… exploits… ya know, like puttin’ your product in the hands of the people that want it… I could keep making more money.”
Understandably, we asked him to clarify:
“I foun’ out that there was these groups of guys who actually liked pregos so I told my hoes to get back out there and swing it. I got more normal girls for the regular shifts, but if I can keep my mamas-in-waiting bringin’ money on the books, there ain’t no stoppin’ me. I had to get em out there. Whatever you need, I got em comin’.”
He laughed at that last one (we did too). Upon further investigation and questioning, it became clear that safety was never an issue with the firms, from top to bottom.
“We’re already pregnant ya know? It’s not like we can get extra pregnant… we stopped makin’ our Johns wear condoms and they used the extra dollar to tip us more! This really is workin’ out for everyone. I wish the cops would get off our case.”
Somewhere, someone is thinking the same thing. (Probably right around the corner in Camden County)
Rabid Boy Breaks Canine Tooth Biting Dog
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.28.08 under Funny News
Gabriel Almeida, an 11-year-old Brazilian boy, is currently in the midst of his 15 minutes of fame after an aggressive pitbull began to attack him while he was playing in his uncle’s backyard. In self-defense, the boy did what any of us would have done… he grabbed the dog by the neck and chomped down with authority!?!?
Local television and radio stations are creating a frenzy around the boy, who thoroughly enjoys retelling the story and embellishing the details as much as possible.
“The vicious pitbull came out of nowhere while Estevan and I were playing fútbol in our uncle’s backyard. He became hostile and started to attack me so I had to take him down. He was all bark. I was all bite!”
The dog was immediately taken to the E.R. and given a Tetanus shot to avoid disease from the rabid boy. Gabriel ironically lost one of his canine teeth while biting the dog. In a strange twist of events, villagers of all ages have been seen chasing around various animals attempting to bite them. The suspicion is that they’re emulating the boy in attempts to receive media notoriety for their conquests. Dogs, cats, opossums, and even monkeys are currently on red alert. In our estimation, the larger breeds of Brazilian animals, such as the Brazilian Jaguar, are still quite safe.
Reportedly, thousands of kids in Asian countries are extremely confused by all of the attention Gabriel is getting. In their culture, eating dogs is not only acceptable, but customary. “Why are they talking about this guy so much? I ate 5 dogs last month and I lost my baby teeth too,” said one 10 year old Korean interviewee.
The Highheel Hooker Marathon
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 07.25.08 under Funny Pics, Girls
This picture just entertains us. It has such a wide gathering of women. You’ve got the young hookers lining both the top and bottom with the Madam in the middle. Then you have the clueless and the serious; and our personal favorite the hooker at the top getting an early jump.
I Gave Her the Flying Penguin Last Night
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.23.08 under Funny Pics
So my roommate works in fund raising. He’s the guy that runs school assemblies and has kids sell chocolate, magazines etc. Part of his job is finding and buying prizes for the kids (ages 6-13) to help motivate them to sell whatever it is that he is peddling. This week my roommate is out of town and UPS just delivered 23 cases of prizes on our doorstep. I just finished putting these cases in the garage when I noticed the labeling on the box:
I am pretty sure the parents of the PTA might be a little pissed to see their kids playing with BJ Toys. I’m sure it is a completely innocent name but it sure does make the “flying penguin” written on the side of the box sound like some kind of new sex position. Doesn’t it?
Pwn Your iPhone!
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.23.08 under Tech Info
Looking to unlock your sexy brand new 3G iPhone? Perhaps you’ve screwed yourself by downloading and installing the new 2.0 software through iTunes and you re-locked your iPhone. Maybe you are smart and you waited to download 2.0. Well, now you can! The iPhone Dev Team has released their new Pwnage Tool 2.0.1 and you can download it on their server here. If you want to be more technical and put it all together yourself, go here. If you do choose the second option and wish to put it all together yourself, it is HIGHLY recommended that you read the ENTIRE README. (Not “highly” like those stoner bunnies, HIGHLY, like… DO IT)
This isn’t our software and we don’t wish to take credit for it. This software is available because of some very cool kids doing very cool things for you and yours… for free! We are not responsible for you screwing up your iPhone because you thought too highly of your tekkie skills either!
Happy hacking, you crazy kids!
High Times
[ No Comments ] Posted on 07.22.08 under Funny Pics
The good news - these rabbits are high. The bad news - they have the munchies and keep eating weed. They’re screwed!
Eyes on the Prize
[ 1 Comment ] Posted on 07.21.08 under Funny Pics, Girls
Are you kidding me?!?! This loser’s non-existent sex life has officially just taken a turn for the worse. Good luck getting laid once the female world gets a hold of this one buddy!